Words are not the only way to convey feelings
by EllyZeller
Summary: Haruka doesn't have a girlfriend so in any case, it would be normal if he were interested in someone. So then, why does Makoto feel as if his heart is being ripped off from his chest?


_AN: I'm a sap and every single time I sit down to write, someone comes to annoy me so here, have some MakoHaru that I wrote for my queen._

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**Words are not the only way to convey feelings**

by EllyZeller (thomaswillhiddles)

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Makoto knew Haruka was good at drawing. Or arts, for what it mattered.

When they were little, he remembered sitting in his backyard, watching Haruka doodle in a little sketchpad Makoto's mom had given him on his birthday. He remembered clear skies and bright blue waters. He remembers sharing summers with Haruka and, now that he thinks about it, most of his memories since he was little have the image of a blue eyed boy who loves the water.

A boy who has no problem playing house with his two little brothers. A boy who looks at him with this particular stare that, a ninety nine percent of the times, makes Makoto's heart skip a beat and his stomach fill with fluttering butterflies.

And he knows, he is certain that the moment he decides to hold Haruka's hand 3 seconds longer than necessary, well, that will be the moment his secret will be revealed.

This is why he is content with being just a friend. He's got more than what a normal friend has. He can say that he knows when Haruka is happy, or sad, or upset. He knows the precise time Haruka decides that it's water time. Makoto just lets himself be swayed by the calm current that Haruka's voice is every time they decide to study together, and enjoys the equally blissful silence when they walk back home. And Haruka, Haruka has never complained.

So it's easy to forget that they are actually not together.

—-

They are in the rooftop sharing lunch, and he's listening to Nagisa ranting about how Rei keeps ignoring him when from the corner of his eye he notices Haruka getting up and he can't help but to ask him where he is going.

"Are you doing that 'thing' Haru-chan?" Nagisa asks with bright eyes and Makoto smiles confused, looking at Haruka, noticing for the first time Haruka's slightly reddened cheeks.

"It's not that… I'm… Don't wait for me today." he murmurs, and when his eyes meet Makoto's he quickly looks away, turning around and walking down the stairs.

Makoto is stunned.

He has no idea of what happened and so he turns around to ask Nagisa, who shrugs and chews through his melon pan.

"He's doing this challenge that Rei gave him."

And just when did that happen? He's been with Haruka for most of the previous days and he doesn't remember Rei speaking to Haruka about a challenge.

"I texted him." Rei says nonchalantly, as if he just hadn't read Makoto's thoughts, and stands up as the ring bells, pulling Nagisa up and not offering further explanations as they both walk away.

Which is the exact same moment he realizes that he has _no idea_ of what Haruka could be doing. And while he knows it isn't something to be worried about, he frowns and gives it some thought because as far as he knows, he's learned everything he can about Haruka. He's learnt what every word and gesture might mean and so far, he's always been able to tell if Haruka is trying to hide something from him. Which has never been the case, they've been friends for so long that they haven't really kept secrets between them.

He doesn't know what to think. He's so curious, it must be something really important if Haruka is being secretive. It might be something about swimming. Or classes. But Nagisa said it was a challenge, so maybe, it was something purely competitive?

_Maybe_.

Maybe he's overthinking it, but the way Haruka's cheeks flushed red and avoided Makoto's eyes only work to make him nervous.

—

He eventually walks back to the classroom, deciding that if he keeps thinking it, he's going to start making assumptions and thinking about a third person involved and _It might be about a girl._

The thought comes and goes as fast as a lightening but he feels as if he got struck across the cheek and someone dropped a bucket of cold water over him.

A girl.

Someone else.

And why wouldn't that be a considerable option? Haruka doesn't have a girlfriend so in any case, it would be normal if he were interested in someone.

So then, why does he feel as if his heart is being ripped off from his chest?

"_Because_" he thinks, "_I'm afraid to lose him_"

It might be an overreaction, but thinking about Haruka with someone else, someone who is not _him_, makes him want to scream and cry and hide in a dark place. Because of course, his reaction would be to let it happen. He loves Haruka just a tad too much that, given the situation, he'd step out of the way and allow Haru to be happy with whoever he wants.

They are not together after all.

_Because you're a coward. Always scared. Always running away from what you want._

And isn't the voice in his head always right?

Thinking about it makes him feel tired, sad, and while he's been walking aimlessly, he notices he's standing in front of the art club classroom. He looks around the hallway and sees no one around, but then a muted noise coming from inside the classroom makes his heart beat faster and before he can stop his hands from reaching out, he finds himself opening the door to the image of someone crouched next to a big canvas with a painting of… is that him?

"I'm sorry, I'll make sure to leave everything in its place—"

"Haru?"

He's not joking when he recalls the moment and says that it happened too fast for his eyes to see, but the next he knows is that the canvas is on the floor, and there are watercolor splotches all over Haruka's face.

Haruka's face under the watercolors is a mix of horror, embarrassment, shock and fear. And he's just looking with wide, fearful blue eyes at Makoto, who walks forward and stops right in front of the painting.

He knew Haruka was good drawing but this… he's blushing and he can't take his eyes away from the colors and shapes of sunflowers, roses, asters and water lilies around him, standing in the middle of a pond with crystal clear blue water.

Makoto stares at it and he doesn't realize when he began grinning, or when he sat down in front of Haruka, who has been trying to make himself invisible. His cheeks are red and his whole expression is open and vulnerable and so very fragile, that the only thing Makoto wants is to wrap him in his arms and never let him go.

"I—Makoto—"

"What was the challenge?" Makoto asks softly, and Haruka sighs and looks at him.

"Rei asked me to explain something to him, but I couldn't put it correctly into words, so I thought about drawing it but when I noticed…" he stops talking, but motions to the canvas with his hand.

"What did you paint?" Makoto asks again, and shuffles closer to Haruka, who licks his lips and with a little smile looks up at Makoto from under black eyelashes.

"The most meaningful thing for me." Haruka answers shyly. And that single phrase is enough to put all of Makoto's insecurities at ease, so he takes Haruka's face between his hands and kisses him.

Haruka gasps into the kiss but it's not long before he's answering with the same eagerness, and it's amazing, sweet, gentle and so right that they both cut the kiss grinning, Haruka's face lit in joy and relief.

"Water lilies?" Makoto asks, and Haruka gives him a little peck in the cheek before answering.

"Because you're pure. Your heart is pure and beautiful. Your only presence soothes me and makes me feel calm and peaceful."

Makoto can't help but smile again. "Sunflowers?"

"I admire you. You have been there for me and if it wasn't for you I don't know where I'd be today… You're just amazing" he answers, and tucks a strand of hair behind Makoto's ear, eyes glinting with fondness.

"Okay… the asters though, those ones I don't really know…"

Haru blushes, and fiddles with Makoto's tie.

"They are meant to be given when you return the same feelings someone has for you."

At this, Makoto chuckles because of course Haru would notice. He could have tried to hide whatever from Haru but contrary to what everyone believed about Haruka, Makoto was the one to know that under that seemingly uninterested façade, Haruka was an observer. So of course he would be the one to notice Makoto's feelings.

"The roses then…"

"Yeah" Haruka answers, and closes the gap between them again to leave a soft kiss on Makoto's lips, murmuring against them "I love you too, you know?"

Makoto's grin could split his face in two and his heart is probably beating faster than what is considered healthy but he's just so happy that he can't bring himself to care if the world ends around them, as long as he can treasure this moment forever.

"Why would you think I—?"

"Shut up Makoto"

If he laughs and Haruka silences him with dozens of kisses, well, he likes to think that they were just beginning to make up for the lost time.

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Notes: I have this headcanon in which Makoto's mom once sat with lil Haruka and lil Makoto and taught them about the language of flowers so there. And that's it, please let me know if you liked it :)


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